People turning 19 years old all over the place. Im naturally a year behind most of my friends, so in a way, im given a little bit of a headstart. But 19 sounds scary, it still echoes faint traces of "Youth" all over its numerals, but really its so close to the 2x milestone. I think thats what creates most of its fear, its like seeing your killer's shadow around the corner.

All this reminds me of that line in Byousoku 5cm, where (spoiler alert) Tohno is slumped against that wall, having nothing and no one, and he says "my heart gradually turned cold, from losing all its youthful vitality." I dont really think its as grim as Sakurai put it, well i should say i cant really relate to the situation he created, but i think the part i can take away is the bit about vitality.

When you're young, it seems like you're really full of energy and you have all the time in the world. Everything is like, a world of extremes and its just you standing there exploring all these taboo's and salvations. I am most reminded about this strange, jumpy energy when i go to pick sis up at the primary school. Of course, i didnt pick things up straightaway, but upon looking things more closely i noticed a few things.

I noticed the stark contrast between age and youth. All its subtleties and signs. All the adults walk into the playground, find a place to sit, and wait patiently. They look worn out, slightly tired, concerned. Some are overweight, some of them cough heavily. Then i kind of took a look at myself and figured that i fitted perfectly into this little portrait of fatigue. I looked tired too.

Then walking around the school you notice the kids. They seem bursting with energy, constant smiles, never seem to stop moving. Their world is surrounded by colour and life.

But then something changes.

As soon as the kids come out, the adults seem to suddenly lighten up. They still have this layer of gritty fatigue, thinly masked over them, but seeing their kids breaks them into a smile. They have something to make themselves happy. I smile to myself because i think i get it now.

Im afraid of getting older, i admit, but who isnt? At the same time, there's a fire in my eye thats lighting this place up because i wanna tackle things head on, i wanna feel great, when its bad, when its good, whatever! All it takes is a little willpower and appreciation of your surroundings and you can turn your moods around. 18 might be turning to 19 soon, but, its just numbers.