It was raining that day, a typically english grey colour, wrapped around the sky. As if God himself had taken a great big paintbrush and painted this partial layer of grey over everything. You dont get much variation of colour when you live in a suburban area. Its a collection of browns, greys, terracottas, and the occasional bright colour you see from some street punk's graffiti on a random wall. The "first day of high school" daddy says, "is the opening to a bright and colourful future", a colourful future in a grey, brown, town. I was in the car at the time, watching the school come into view. A grey school.

"Now i've got to get to work, you go on ahead and have a great day". He smiles. I nod, and walk out of the car, letting dad close the door behind me, and walking forward, without saying goodbye. That cant be helped though, its the sheer apprehension that takes its big, strong hand and wraps it around you, a kind of curiosity mixed with fear. Rest assured, it was duty and expectation that was the force behind my footsteps that day. And perhaps the days to come after.

-------

I take the keys out and step out of the car. Drove up to some fancy italian restaurant, alone (as always). Its not too bad though, you can just walk in and get a table, and it doesnt need any of that reservation stuff. I think people need that kind of service, where they can walk in at any time and not be denied a table because some fat cat reserved it beforehand.  People lead those sort of lives now, where everything goes at such a speed where such spontaneity is really required. It just so happens that i walk into the restaurant for that very reason.  

I sit down and look at the menu. My eyes reach the 4th item on the list when my phone rings. Its her. She has a funny knack of calling at the most awkward times. Its almost like she has a special countdown timer in her head that counts down to the time that could be the most awkward for me. Still, she's my wife, so i answer it. "Im taking the kids with me to go shopping, would you like anything in particular?" I say no. "Are you sure? We're gonna be there for a long time you know". Again with the intrusions.

A "yes, no" and an automated "i love you" later, i close the phone. Order my food, and sit back, and soak up the atmosphere. This is something i do very often, let the surroundings take control. The people talking, the people eating, laughing. The cars passing by. In this tiny little den, i can feel like time has stopped. The whole world moves from the left side of the window view, to the right side, and disappears as soon as it disappears from my sight.

The food arrives, and so does my appetite. After my meal, i ask for the bill and pay it. The price doesnt bother me that much. You're not paying for the food, or the atmosphere, or the attractive waitress with the tight ass, what you're paying for is that little, selfish bubble of space. Where time stops temporarily, and the world leaves you alone. Just for a little bit.

--------------

So what does this mean? Do i qualify for oprah? For fucking ricki lake? No. It means i go to sleep and wake up the next day, with the same duties as any other 17 year old student. The world does not make exceptions.